Acts contains many conversion stories. But none are as peculiar - or reluctant - as the conversion of Saul of Tarsus. Unlike the others who came to Christ over the course of this text, Saul (who we know as Paul) was already convinced of his own righteousness. He describes the way he used to see himself in Philippians:
“If anyone else thinks he has reason for confidence in the flesh, I have more: circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; as to the law, a Pharisee; as to zeal, a persecutor of the church; as to righteousness under the law, blameless...” Phil 3:4-6, ESV
Saul was content with his standing before God - and by the standards of his day he had every reason to be! If anyone was righteous under the Old Testament Law, he certainly was! Whatever this “good news” being spread by the heretical Christians, Saul had no need of it - he was fine just the way he was.
We can imagine his shock, then, when he finally meets God face to face and is met with… disappointment. He had dedicated his life to being the sort of man he THOUGHT God wanted him to be, only to discover that all his “righteousness” was worthless. As he later put it:
“But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith.” Phil 3:7-9, ESV
“But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith.” Phil 3:7-9, ESV
To have a genuine relationship with God, Saul had to completely change his priorities. Everything he valued before, he had to discard. His self-worth, which had previously come from his own works, was now found in knowing Christ.
While few of us will ever experience as traumatic a conversion as Saul, all of us must come to the same realization. Our good deeds, our accomplishments, and our talents cannot earn God’s love or forgiveness. In fact, as long as we are still trying to “earn” God’s favor, we will never find it. It is only when we realize that we are not sufficient, that we NEED His grace, that we will discover He was waiting for us all along.